Loving Her
by 0oxymoronic0
Summary: You watch as the child you loved – the woman you love – turns into something so monstrous you dare not even name it. It is vengeance, and you hate it. [KurenoxAkito][Akkigure][femAk][17 spoilers]
1. Finding Her

**A/N**

**For loritakitochan, who very politely gave me the excuse to write this story.**

**Note that: story, not oneshot. There will be more. **

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I am not Natsuki Takaya.**

**Warnings: KurenoxAkito, (?) child abuse (?)**

**Finding Her**

When you first see your love, she is barely a child.

You wept for her when she was still inside her mother's loving care, as she gently grew inside of the magnificent temple. You could not touch her, only lovingly caress that spherical tomb, but you pledged your heart to her nevertheless.

You remember when you touched her first. Her eyes already blaze at you, and you find the tears fall again, and you cannot stop them.

Her protective mother's eyes bore into you as she is handed from Juunishi to Juunishi, and the small bundle stirs as she is parted from her precious Dog. He looks surprised and pushes her into your arms, and although she looks up at you with eyes full of tears she quietens in your grip.

A strange, perverse foreshadowing, it seems.

You wonder how something so breakable can produce that much noise. It wails deep into the night, and your heart breaks every time her shrill cry pierces the quiet. At her cry a deep sense of longing is woken deep inside of you, and all you want to do is hold her till that dreadful shriek is stopped.

You cannot stop loving her.

One night you wander aimlessly down the corridor, eyes not seeing, ears only hearing her cry as she calls for you, solely for you – you can tell it is for you. All around her stand frantic maids and her screaming parents but you can only see her, just her.

"What is _he _doing in here! Get him out!" You brush off their futile grips with a strength you did not know you had, because you just have to _see _her and _touch _her and make that awful noise stop…

She lies in the centre of her crib, mouth stretched in a far-from-silent 'o' as she screams for her Juunishi to come to her. You lower your arms into that pink abyss and pluck her from its centre, revelling in the soft whisper of your skin against hers.

You are so young, yet you feel so old.

Again you suppress the urge to cry as you feel the burden lain across your shoulders, and her black eyes stare mercilessly at you. Gently you bring her small frame to yours, and you whisper sweet nothings into her ear as you rock her in your arms.

Already you have fallen for her.

Her cries peter off to nothing as your voice washes over her, and her small face is pressed into the crook of your neck as she loves you.

She loves you, and there is no return.

**A/N**

**Wow… a pathetic starter chapter. Basically this documents Akito and Kureno's life, and there isn't much you can do when she's still a baby. **


	2. Helping Her

**A/N**

**A stupidly quick update, and I really need to restrain myself. I should be watching Naruto, but it's taking forever to load.**

**Dedicated to AKITO. At The Disco who still remains as awesome as ever.**

**Chapter 2: Akito, 4-5. Kureno, 16-17. Shigure: 15-16. (I think – are those ages right?)**

**Warnings: KurenoxAkito, (?) child abuse (?)**

**Helping Her**

Once you realise you love her, the rest comes easily.

She is inside your very soul, playing with the strands of your existence. You weep when you are with her, you weep when she has gone. She looks at you with eyes you cannot forget, you will not forget – she looks at you and wonders as the tears spill over again.

You cry for the loss she has sustained.

You cry that she will never know a normal life. You cry that she is all you have, and vice versa; though whether this is from self pity or sympathy you will never really know. Most of all you cry because you can tell that she _is _you, and you _are _her.

Yet most of all you cry because your existence is a lie.

You do feel a bond with her, something that is unbreakable, something which cannot ever be severed. Yet deep inside you think this is more than just this terrible, crushing curse; deep inside you _believe _that it is love. You _know _that this is something far more precious than the others have with her.

You know because you have seen _her _cry.

You have received the honour of receiving her tears, of holding her close while she sobbed into your frame. You only hold back the tears which threaten to spill because you know that they would hurt her more than she dares to say.

Your little angel, your little goddess… you know she will never fully understand. You watch the loving side which she shows you crumble and fall about her, breaking across the cold tiles in gentle waves. You watch her retract into herself as her hate swells up inside of her. You try to drag her out but you know it is too late.

Her face haunts you.

_His _face haunts you too, watching with deadened eyes as you see her falling for him, in a love which can only be doomed to despair. You watch with a bitter hate as she softly touches him, as she smiles for him as she only used to smile for you.

You try to feel some happiness, but all you feel is regret.

You know, somewhere deep down inside of you that this love is doomed for nothing. You know with inevitable hate that she is doomed to hate, she is doomed to suffer, and she will never know true love.

And then you break her heart as you are ripped from her.

You cannot explain it, and neither can she; just one morning you wake and the sky is just a wide expanse of blue, and not the playground you have enjoyed for so long. You reach up to touch it, but it eludes you still, a hidden whisper of a memory.

It is as crushing as if someone had stepped on your wings.

Her face is worse than anything you could possibly imagine, or any emotion you have felt. She pities you, she touches you, but she cannot love you any more. That bond is broken, and it cannot be remade.

You have lost her.

And yet it is still only you she cries for, though she will gladly shed a tear for her Dog if he asks it of her. It is still only you she will cling to, despite the terrible loss you know you both feel as her skin gently brushes yours.

And you know you will do _anything _to stop that girl from crying.

**A/N**

**More fluff. And not enough Akkigure, I can only apologise. I will work it in there somewhere.**


	3. Losing Her

**A/N**

**Hnn…**

**I think this is the second to last chapter…**

**And I have so much to update…**

**-worries-**

**Losing Her**

You decide you love her most when you are inside her, and she is moving on top of you.

You decide you love your name most when it is moaned from her lips.

The rhythm you move with her is overwhelming, both slow and fast, perfect and yet so wrong. You cannot take your eyes off hers as she gazes at you, though only half of the wonderful orbs are showing and you can hardly keep conscious thought.

Inside you wonder why she is doing this, but soon all of your carefully constructed logic disintegrates as everything dissolves into pure, disgusting pleasure.

She lies with you afterwards, but cannot meet your eye. She keeps her gaze above, on something you cannot see. You want to reach out and touch her, to somehow keep a hold on this wonderful moment, but you somehow feel that she does not wish to know you.

You know it is all pretence for _him_.

You realise you have long since lost her.

She is long since gone.

All you can do is watch as he breaks her heart, and secretly know that it is _your _fault she suffers so, and there is absolutely nothing you can do for her beside hold her as she cries.

You have been doing that too much of late.

Never again do you get to see that love in her eyes. Never again do you hear your name parted lovingly from those small lips, though out of regret it enters your ears more than you ever could want. You watch as the child you loved – the woman you loved – turns into something so monstrous you dare not even name it.

It is vengeance, and you _hate _it.

Her life, once motivated by her quest for love and her undying love to all those she has dear, is replaced by an overwhelming urge to be revenged upon those she hates. And because she can no longer understand love, she does not see it any more; she does not see the love between her Juunishi as right, as whole. She no longer can understand the emotions you feel for her, and she does not understand the hatred she feels when she realises her misconceptions.

She is swallowed by hate, and you cannot save her now.

You can only watch as she destroys herself and those you love; your childhood friends are reduced to rubble around your feet, as she glares at them from some podium she has constructed in her mind.

Yet the podium is paper, and a gust of wind can send her toppling to the ground.

You can only be there to catch her as she falls.

**A/N**

**Akito is so misunderstood.**


	4. Remebering Her Forgetting Her?

**A/N**

**Last chapter! Aww… it came so soon…**

**Thank you to everyone. I really appreciate it. :)**

**Dedicated to my kind reviewer loritakitochan. Thank you for everything, this is for you.**

**Disclaimer: … no. A line from Doctor Who in here, if you can spot it.**

**Remembering Her/Forgetting Her?**

A small smile twitches your mouth as you remember her.

In your mind she is immortalised into one figure; the kind child, the vengeful woman, the loving adult she became. There is no divide; in your mind she is perfect, ultimate, beautiful. In your mind you can never forget her.

The loneliness eats at you now. Too much has passed for you to forget; too much has passed for you to remember. It is one of the curses of old age; the combination of memories you wish you could forget and the terrible realisation every morning that another part of your life has slipped from your mind.

You are dying, you are told. You no longer care. You died long ago, when those black eyes finally lost their constant sheen. Life is just nature's way of keeping meat fresh; there is no thought necessary, no emotion. You live and die alone, cursed to always be the last one standing.

"Stay alive for me," she whispered in your ear as he breathing fluttered anxiously. You cannot forget that last moment, the peacefulness on her face as your love slumped from your arms. The emptiness of her eyes as she regarded you for the last time.

You only wish you could forget.

Remembering her is all you have left, and even your memories are deserting you. You are a living man dying, a corpse resuscitated. Nature is beginning to take her inevitable control, and you welcome her kind touch. The cares of the world are easy to shrug off if your mind no longer registers them as real.

You do nothing now, merely stare and remember. Memory. Sadness. Forgiveness. You forgive all you love in your mind, and there is peace.

Everlasting peace.

Your eyes close.

It is over.

---

_You watch the world below with some last thoughts of regret; you wonder why you never found a family, before your mind drifts away and there is no more thought._

_You feel like you are travelling upwards, but without the passage of time and only the whirling blue as your surroundings you cannot be sure. _

_A light is ahead. You would smile at the cliché if you remembered what it was, but your memory has gone now too._

_The only thought is the terrible need to reach that place above, wherever it is, and the urge to look into onyx eyes and paper skin._

_The last thing you see before you leave is a blossom, tumbling slowly down, before the white envelops you and there is a smile waiting for you._

**A/N**

**A strange last chapter…**

**Thank you for reading. Still keep the reviews coming in pleeeease!**


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